5\17\10 My Black is Beautiful..

my black is beautiful ♥

5\13\10 Around The Way Girls..

i just finished reading the book "around the way girls" pt 1. this book is amazing. its based on real life situations that occur everyday. it made me realize so much about the uncertainties that can occur in life if you dont play your cards right. what goes around comes around. if your into reading you should look into this book. you wont be sorry. get it at www.amazon.com or Barnes & Nobles bookstore.

12\17\09 Officially An Alumni

hey! its been 5 months! sorry i disappeared but ive had a lot of business to handle. im back now && this time i am officially an alumni of my university! i graduated && im so glad thats over because im so ready for a new beginning. im ready to go back to school but i wont begin until next august so in the mean time ill be working and traveling! cant wait til next summer! follow me on twitter! http://twitter.com/theitgirlebony :)

07\21\09 Black Summer's Night

hello. its been a minute but i just want to say that im loving Maxwell's new album, Black Summer's Night. this album is so amazing. its exactly what im going through right now & everything that hes saying is exactly what i want to say. it speaks to me. i enjoy music that i can truly relate to, music that has passion and meaning. Maxwell definitely falls in that category. im going to see him in his upcoming concert in durham, nc next month ♥ .

06\25\09 The King of Pop

I'll always be a PYT. Thanks Michael Jackson ♥ to me, michael jackson was one of a kind. truly talented and one of the most beautiful men ever made [during his brown skin days]. regardless of image, he was a sweet spirited individual. michael revolutionized music and became a major trend setter all over the world. however, i dislike the fact that we're giving credits to him now that he has passed instead of appreciating what he did for the world while he was here. he'll be missed.

06\06\09 Love is Stronger Than Pride

ive had a lot on my mind lately but its too personal so i really dont want to explain the situation. just let me say that when i think about it, all i feel is pain. now its nothing like heartbreak or something dealing with a guy-not necessarily. just something that was done to me that was completely wrong, i wonder how you YOU sleep at night knowing what youve done.

i strongly dislike being misunderstood. i cant stand when something has been said that is a complete lie and im unable to defend myself and explain how the situation really happened. but i held my peace, i took on the burden of being misunderstood, it wasnt easy and it hurts but i believe what goes around surely comes back around. so theres no need for me to stay stuck on it. -but just know, despite this situation i still have love for YOU- ive done all i can do to make ends meet and ive realized that if someone doesnt want to let things go and forgive me, i cant make them. all i can do is move on and live my life. it. then again, i guess somethings are better left unsaid...

"i guess it wasnt meant for you to speak to me, then i guess it wasnt meant for you to forgive me. just know that i dont hate you, but trust me i have tried. however, i still truly love you. love is stronger than pride."

05\25\09 NBA Finals 2009

i used to be a die-hard nba fan but once the sacermento kings started falling off & then later on they traded ben wallace from the detroit pistons (which greatly affected their defense costing them several losses) i kinda stopped getting into the games. somehow, ive gotten back into the sport and im very into the 2009 playoffs. i dont care what anyone says, im going for Orlando & Denver to make it to the finals! now i have a picture of LeBron up because i must say, "wow, how does he do it." even though im not rooting for the Cavs, i have to give props to LeBron for the amazing player that he is. anyways, i really applaud Orlando for their win lastnight, although LeBron isnt going down without a fight (not literally!) i still dont see the win happening for his team this year... but we shall see!

05\20\09 I Am Not My Hair

yesterday i was watching the tyra show. the topic was about black women not embracing their natural beauty as far as their hair was concerned. some women believed they werent beautiful because they didnt have "the white girl flow" of hair. this means that if your hair isnt soft, long and flexible like a white woman then you arent beautiful. most black women have the definition of "good hair" all wrong and they believe that in order to have "good hair" you must be mixed with another race and your hair must be feathery, soft, long, flexible. one woman on the show admitted that she intentionally had sex with a latino man so her daughter could have good hair. another women admitted that because her daughter had kinki hair she wasnt beautiful and she never introduced her daughter to anyone because of it. one woman also talked about why she gives her daughter relaxers at age 3 to make her more beautiful. i thought this was absolutley sad but can someone tell me what is "good hair?" to me, good hair is hair that is well treated and taken care of on a regular basis. regardless if your hair is natural, if you have dreads, if you get a weave or relaxers as long as you love and take good care of your hair, thats "good hair." i believe black women need to stop being insecure and artificial hiding behind tons of weave and make up because they arent satisfied with their image. black women should also stop putting their children through torturous procedures such as giving them relaxers and hair weaves at age 3 to make them "more beautiful." thats truly pathetic and unloving. whether you have kinki hair, naturally curly hair, dreads, brown skin... its all apart of the black culture and we as black women should love and embrace who we are. -"it doesnt matter if you have one drop of black blood in your body, you are black. its beautiful. love it. cherish it" --malcolm x

4\30\09 Swine Flu?

i truly believe in the word of God, i believe that famines, pestillence and all types of sufferings are taking place because it is the end of time. i also believe it is slowly manifesting right before our eyes... hurricane katrina, 911, tornados occuring like never before, the changes in the weather, children killing their parents, the war in iraq, high school shootings, the earthquake in italy-a tragic event that even caused the ground to split in half and cars fell in it, and now swine flu. i believe its only a plague from the bible occurring on earth & scientist can continue trying to figure it out but they never will. ive even been told that it didnt come from pigs but from a child who resided in Mexico & began spreading the disease! if you ask me this "swine flu" disease is also being passed around by the secret service and others working for the government. i believe it intentionally began in mexico to get rid of the minority first. so many people are so wrapped up in politics and they dont even realize that the government is working against us, they dont care about us and they never will. even though barack is the president the government doesnt care, there are so many secrets and deeds being done that he doesnt even know about. if you think about it, he barely has any control! things may look good for now by him being president but im sure that in the long run, he wont get far. back to my point...this swine flu is pretty wierd to me, i dont understand how its gone from texas to alabama to new york and wherever else it is! i just think we need to take a look around and realize whats really going on instead of thinking the government stands for us because they dont. its the end of days, people are evil and time is running out. this "swine flu" is such a strange disease & is still under investigation in my world...

4\13\09 Growing Pains

"to grow is to change"

what does it mean to grow?

grow: to attain physical or mental maturity; to realize; to arise.

what does it mean to change?

change: a transformation; modification; to become different.

...............................

when i look at my life and i see who ive become, im very touched because i realize the strong, wise and hardworking woman i am. i also see how ive grown in a lot of ways. there are so many things i used to do, places i used to go and people i used to deal with, but now that im mature and more disciplined i dont even bother, some things just get old. i was always the type of person who was ten steps ahead of most people around me. while they found "something new" i was just moving on from it. i get that from growing up around the old folks. i was growing and growing up means to leave a lot of things behind, whether it be friends or things you value. now let me say, there is nothing wrong with growing up. growth is healthy and positive. everything has its time and you know when its time to grow, time to let go of some things, certain friends, certain activities, its just time for a change. i believe that to grow is to change. i believe in change and change is a wonderful thing. its a powerful transformation that allows your mind and spirit to increase and become more mature. regardless if your the only one that feels the need to grow, do it because youll appreciate where it will get you in the long run. people should always stay encouraged no matter what. although we cant change everything around us, we can change to become better individuals. i know it isnt always easy but it will always be worth it. growth is power, you live and you learn, you grow and therefore you change. even though some things will never change, change is still for the better... ♥

The Appeal

its 1:20 am. i just got home from a wonderful day at my sister's house. i had an amazing time, this spring break was fabolous. i didnt do much but the important things are that i spent time with my family, i relaxed and most of all i had a lot of time to myself to think about some things. spending time with yourself is such a healthy thing. ive learned so much about myself, good and bad & im really pressing towards becoming a better person and more than anything, i really want to be so much closer to God. i just need Him to make me over, i really want a change with in myself. i dont care about holding on to people or things anymore, whatever and whoever is no longer in my life is gone for a reason. ive realized where my place is in this world and that place is in Christ. it crazy how it has taken so much for me to realize that but now i see. the Lord has carried me through so much, im truly blessed and now its time to take my mind off of whats around me and let God take care of it all. my life is truly in His hands & im thankful to have a savior who loves me and can take care of my every need. the best is yet to come! so right now, God is my main focus... ♥

What Goes Around... Comes Around

yesterday i had a talk with one of my closest friends. we discussed everything that we have been going through as individuals, we talked about our spiritual lives, we talked about guys, friends, relationships, heartbreaks and all that good stuff. after our talk, i couldnt help but think about how i spent so much of my time with the wrong guys. lately i have realized whos been real and fake in my life. it hasnt been easy accepting it, but i would rather know the truth than be a fool to keep the peace. i must say im glad that certain people are out of my life now, especially a lot of guys. there are so many guys i used to be involved with and i cant believe i believed some of them were really down for me! the things so many of them put me through have been heartbreaking. but whats funny is when i sit back and see it come back around on them. for instance, one of my exes did me dirty, but when i see him now, hes going through hell, he still cant graduate, he had a baby on the way but his girl got an abortion and hes suffering from it. another one of my exes has moved on with another girl but let me say if thats what you call love, im so glad im not in love with him! their relationship is pretty much based on sex, they say their in love yet they lie and cheat on each other like its no problem! its funny because he lost something good to settle for a girl whos out there, has a name for herself and has no class whats so ever. and how about the academy award winner, who has done everything in the book to me. when i look at him today, all is see is confusion. he moved on a while back but that ended and he wonders why his relationships cant last. he wonders why love doesnt work for him and its because of what hes done to me and so many others. the other week i saw him and he said "ebony ive been trying to talk to you about somethings because i know i did you wrong in the past and im sorry." i replied "you and i arent friends and we never will be, no hard feelings, you know you did me wrong and thats all needs to be said between us. im over you." i just have to say im so glad im not these three guys mentioned in this blog or the others who have done me wrong. im glad those chapters in my life are closed and now i know i dont have to settle for guys who wont love me for me. im done wasting time trying make someone see if they dont see. so in the end im walking away with a mended heart and lessons learned. so its all good, the point is you live and you learn. what goes around comes around. people change. period.

3\19\09 The Making the Band Curse!

its real people! there is a making the band curse everyone! lol will all of diddy's bands fall apart??? well, let me say that i like day 26, i think their five different people with five different looks and talents. when you put that together, youve got an amazing group and they are truly talented. however this season has "got me going!" lol now first off let me say that i feel bad for dawn and aundrea. their situation is messed up but at least their not giving up. i really wish aundrea would have kept it real last season and admitted that aubrey was a problem for her though. she and aubrey were so close, they lasted for a whole season together and turned around & made the band together. but once aubrey started pattin her weave alil too much & getting full of herself, she changed! that group seriously had secret issues but they came out eventually. my favorite memeber was shannon, she was the most humble with a unique spark about her. dawn was a true die-hard performer and d woods was...she was...she was nice with a pretty voice LOL i just didnt feel her that much but i dont think diddy should have kicked her out the group. at the same time, she wasnt happy so...

but now lets talk about day 26! my goodness! talented brothas who are under so much pressure right now. people are really questioning if they are going to last. this season is good so far but theres one fly on the wall i want to knock out! QWANELL! omg! hes just too emotional for me. he is really trippin this season, i dont get it. i know hes young, struggling and trying to take care of situations at home but he just needs to chill out! like calm down! way down! geeze! i hope he reads this...well i kinda hope he reads this lol but its the truth. and he stays talking about willie being a jealous person! like huh? willie isnt jealous of anything or anyone so Q needs to drop that excuse for hating on willie so much. i think robert is doing good so far though and he sounds great on the new tracks. mike and brian are cool too but Q needs to drop the emotional stuff, hes got a long way to go. the music industry is a business and no one cares for tears. at the same time i dont see them being together 5 years from now...

Baldwin Hills Season 3

i have to say this season of baldwin hills was WACK! i thought it was completely boring, i mean they had good situations going on but they way the cast delivered was absolutely boring. that didnt sit well with me because i enjoy watching baldwin hills so i had high expectations for this season. i was not impressed. that beef between garren (shes always in the bulk of the drama) and ashley was childish. i dont think it was right of ashley to talk to garren's ex, moriah, but for that rediculous beef to go on for the entire season was lucid! i couldnt believe justin though, i mean aysia was a nice girl, beautiful and sweet but she wasnt for him. i always knew he liked seiko and i dont understand how he lost sight of that in the first place. then he came at her, at the end of the season, to let her know how he really felt about her like she was going to accept that. that was totally selfish! now sometimes you may not realize you have feelings for someone until theyre about to walk out your life and i understand that. but i feel like seiko was right infront of his face all along and he should have stayed with her and continued what they started in season two. however, i did feel bad for stacey losing her baby and i liked the events that she, garren and seiko did for the youth BUT it was still a wack season! if you ask me, they should have kept Lo'Rena on the show! lol she was the life of season two! so anyways, season three was wack and im not really looking forward to season four...

3\18\09: Abaete Fashion

so ive been sitting in the house, enjoying my spring break and looking online at some new clothing. theres a designer named Abaete & i really like it! check out some pieces (the one on the right is a by bill blass)

03\14\09 P.G.I.T.R.

Pretty Girl In The Room ♥ i just wanted to say that the statement in this picture is so very true. dont we all wish the world could just get along and give credit where credit is due without being jealous. lately, ive realized how dangerous jealousy is. it amazes me as far as the things people will do to you only because they are jealous of you. people will ruin your reputation if its the last thing they do, only because their jealous and insecure with themselves. people, males and females, have done so many terrible things to me because of jealousy. ive lost so many friends because of jealousy and thats why i dont trust anyone.

now honestly, i think its just GAY when a man is jealous of a woman! i mean come on! if you got a girl thats fly, beautiful, independent and financially stable you should be proud of her! glad to claim her not eager to hate on her. i remember when i was in a relationship with a guy who was jealous of me. he would always criticize the way i would dress, he wanted to know where i was and who i was with at all times, he would get so jealous if his fraternity brothers would talk to me and he would always say "dont you ever, for once think you are or you look better than me because you dont." right then i saw he was jealous and threatened by my appearance and self confidence. now i have to admit, those types of relationships are dangerous, not only will people try to destroy you but your partner will as well. because of his jealousy and unability to control me, he decided to destroy me. he went around spreading lies about me and caused so much drama between me and other females just to make himself look and feel important. how GAY is that! i hope hes reading this by the way. now he and i arent together anymore, letting him go wasnt easy because i really cared for him but at the same time he didnt deserve me. and yes, he ruined my reputation amongst a lot of people who know me but its all good.

at first i was absolutely furious towards the situation but now im cool about it. its messed up but i rather enjoy the fact that he was intimidated by me & laugh at it because it lets me know that im doing my part as far as doing me. i cant help that im a confident and beautiful individual and i have learned not to change or down-grade who i am for no one. i will continue to be that humble pretty girl who turns heads, who is independent, confident and so very wise. its amazing what people will do to you because of their insecurities, wow! so anyways "how bout a round of applause, standing ovation!" but not for him doing what he did to me or the others who have tried to destroy me, but for me continuing to be the beautiful & strong individual i am inspite of...

2\23\09 Fathers...

have you ever heard the song "he said, she said" by lupe fiasco or "daughters" by john mayer...

well ive always heard that the way your father treats your mother is the way his daughter will be treated. my parents arent together but my mom sure has told me about her relationship with my dad. i asked her about it because i was thinking about the way my ex treated me. then i thought about a document that my friend bethany wrote and in it she was discussing that the way her dad treated her mom is the way she has been treated by men. she found herself in an abusive relationship and she believed that it came back around because it was the way her dad treated other women and her mom. her dad even talked to her and admitted that it was possibly true because of what he put her mom through.

my dad was very controlling and abusive to my mom. my mom is a strong individual. shes been through so much and i cant believe shes still standing today. but shes strong and God kept her through it all. she was telling me how abusive my dad was to her. she met him at a young age. for me, growing up and seeing my friends with their families and hearing girls talking about being a "daddys girl" always bothered me because i wished i could have know what that felt like. i do wish he was there, but God saw the type of person he was so i dont believe he was meant to be in my life. however, its not like my mom is one of those bitter women who sits here talking about all the bad things and making my dad out to be the bad guy, but shes telling me straight up the way things were. he was abusive and controlling, he was a jealous person and i believe that and i know that my mom wouldnt lie to me.

me and my mom are so similar and we gone through similar things. ive been through abusive relationships, assult & all types of hell with men. but its funny because when i look at the things ive been through with guys, i see that my mom went through it with my dad. now isnt that odd, but its real. so maybe what my dad has done is only coming back around but this time what hes reaping is being taken out on me, his daughter. i dont know ...but it makes a lot of since... -baby doll exits stage left...

Lessons & Love

right now...im sitting in my room, laying on my bed...thinking about love ♥

i remember summer 2007, i lost the love of my life. after he left me i went crazy but i just decided that i should move on and i did. i moved on with the wrong guy. my last relationship was pretty much torture, abuse, stress, all that stuff and afterwards my life became a living hell. from that point on i thought i would never love again. i didnt want to get married, i didnt want children, i hated anyone who was in relationship and i just didnt care anymore. i gave up and figured there is no such thing as having true love.

today i am thankful that ive been healed from those heartbreaks and from all of my past circumstances. ive been blessed with these heartbreaks because they have only benefited me with lessons learned. if it wasnt for my struggles i wouldnt know the truth and i wouldnt be strong, just as i am today. im thankful for those who have broken my heart, talked about me, lied to me, cheated on me, stole from me, abused me and everything else because now i know...

but the point is i have learned that there is a such thing called true love. a lot of us have been hurt so many times and therefore we give up on love, we stop believing and we stop caring. but those times when we get hurt only shapes and molds our hearts, it teaches us lessons about what love is and isnt. so when we do find true love, we will know and we will appreciate it. i like the song "lions tigers & bears" by jazmine but i think we need to stop letting that song keep us in fear of trying again, yes we've been hurt but thats life and we have to learn. even if you move on and it doesnt work out, dont let it discourage you just let it teach you. those relationships that dont work only end because that person wasnt meant for us anyway. i have learned that love is surely not a play-thing, its real and i know that i can move on as well. its been hard but its been worth it, the bad times are precious & besides sometimes you have to cry before you can smile...

Lately...

i have been through hell and beyond and everyday that i awake is another day, another opportunity. it only proves that i am strong & able to overcome anything if i have been able to overcome all that i have been through in my past. sometimes i really do want revenge, but know that vengence is God's and not mine. however i have learned to realize that life is full of ups and downs, but its all about how you handle situations. the way you handle things has the biggest impact on how everything will end up.

lately ive been feeling like an "outkast". but i have come to realize that is a good thing. its not good to get caught up in whats around you so being the "odd ball" or the "loner" is actually a good thing. most people think its bad to be alone, so many people are afraid of being alone but i have come to realize that its a good thing. sometimes you seperate yourself, be alone, in your own little world, zone out and clear your mind, spend some "you" time. its quite refreshing.

i have definitely found myself in that category. its crazy because this is only the begining of 2009 and i have lost so many friends, ive been hurt, ive cried, ive been upset, ive been confused, i have realized who has been real & who has been fake in my life and i have ex-ed at least 30 people from my list! now i know that inspite of the down times, they are all neccessary because it makes me smarter and stronger. the good times are good, the bad times are bad, but the bad times make it all worth it. so in a nut shell, i see where i belong and im fine with that. its life, you live and you learn... ♥

02\12\09

hello darlings! so i just want to say that... uh... um... I WENT SHOPPING! omg!! but guess what? all i bought was two pair of shoes & i got them both for the price of $32! chea! check them out! how cute! however, i will continue to watch my spending as i have stated a million times before!

02\6\09 Cupid Shot Me!

i have a crush... ♥

02\4\09 Senioritis?

ok...first off let me say that i went to see "Mall Cop" yesterday and it was funny! go see it! but um back to your regular scheduled blog: so its my senior year and im a semester away from walking across that stage. i know that it will be here in no time therefore i have no time to waste. i have five classes and 17 credit hours, my classes are quite difficult but im sure ill manage just like ive been doing. im really determined to make all A's but i know thats going to take everything i have. the problem is lately ive been so lazy! im not sure whats going on but all i want to do is eat and sleep. now thats wonderful but when theres work to be done, thats not so wonderful. i really need something to put me back into "work mode".

my goal for the rest of this semester is to work harder, be eager about my classes, practice better eating habits (which is hard to do at this university but theres always subway!), find a personal trainer to help me out in the gym, be more excited about life everyday i awake and have fun! have fun studying, have fun working hard and have fun having fun! i need to put my best foot forward and no matter how hard it gets, im sure it will pay off. i shall spend tonight alone to take time to think about somethings and continue to encourage myself to stay focused! -Baby Doll chucks da dueces!

Pow! Pow!

ow! hot ♥

Working Woman

isnt this house beautiful...this is what i want...this is the type of house i want for my husband & children. i want the best for my children and this is why i want to work hard to give them all that i never had. my children are going to have the best of best. im definitely going to have a home like this in a few years.

01\21\2009

UPDATE: ok so its january 21 2009 and i couldnt be anymore greatful to be alive in this new year. God has blessed me...

since spring 2007 my life was a living hell, literally. no one knew but it surely was. however, i have come to realize that i stood the test of time and im absolutely elated to be here in 2009 with all of my pain, frustration and my past behind me. God really covered me through it all...

so anyways...ok! ive been doing so good so far! i havent gone shopping at all this year! now i know its only the 21st day of the month but thats long enough for me! im getting paid on the 30th and i have already told myself "no shopping!" if anything i have to get my phone turned back on! but yeah im holding it together, staying focused, preparing for graduate school and studying for the GRE. im considering grad school at the university of central florida, texas state university or university of california davis! so yep, im pretty much doing all of that and some mo! im also planning on doing some serious traveling this year! im sick and tired of north carolina! theres so much more out there and im determined to go get it.

so yep, in a nut-shell 2009 is working good for me so far. i know this is going to be my year! but most of all i want to stay focused academically, continue learning more about myself and stay strong in my relationship with God. Heaven knows ive been living wreckless for the past 2 yrs but i thank God for restoring me. im determined to continue being a better person, doing more for others than myself and stay focused! thats it! its all mine in 2009! -baby doll out... ♥

12\31\2008 : My New Years Resolution

now anyone who knows me well knows that i have bad money management! i spend all my money in the worst ways & then when i really need something, im BROKE! i used to have a shopping addiction! my addiction was terrible, if i saw something, i had to have it! this addiction was so bad that i once got myself -$710 in debt! sheesh! now i know that there are many people who have gotten into worse debt but this was worse enough for me! i couldnt believe i had done such a thing. swipping my credit card is so addictive and i get carried away with it! i love shopping! shopping! & more shopping! shopping is a fun thing to do and we all love it, but it can also be dangerous as far as getting into debt bc of the lack of responsibility and self control. therefore... i have been working on my shopping addiction and i have been doing really well lately. i havent over-drafted since february 2008 and thats a great thing for me. ive over-drafted 3 times i think, once -$710, then -$230 and then -$78...man that was rediculous and at the time, i only had my credit card for one year. but im thankful that i am doing better and able to control myself. the other day i was in a mall in richmond, va and in it was wet seal, forever 21, new york & company, charlotte russe, body central, bebe, american outfitters, up against the wall and everything else! you want to talk about somebody tempted! sheesh! i was beyond tempted but guess what...i held it together! i even challenged myself and walked into all the stores, went window shopping and i didnt spend a penny! i was so proud of myself! but during december 2008 i was thinking of what my new years resolution should be for 2009 and i came to a great resolution... "to do more for others than myself"... and this is bc i spend all my money on me! how selfish right? well it is. im realizing that im getting older and soon i will have bills to pay, i cant keep spending all my money on myself and fashion while my account balance is over-drawn. i have to do better and do more for others as well as control my spending and even increase my payments in my tithes & offering! its not easy but it is easy if you have a made up mind and i do. no more wreckless spending! its time for me to do better as well as do more for others, help my church and my community more...

The City

man i miss being in new york! i was such a huge fan of "the hills" & now im really enjoying "the city." i really dig this show because its real and it shows how life can be in a fast paced city full of drama, good times, decieving people & high fashion. i think whitney is doing a great job so far as far as handling herself out there. however, i do feel like she has fallen too soon for a guy she just met. another thing that kinda gets to me is olivia! geeze! can somebody put an aldo high heel in her mouth! shes is beautiful and she knows the business very well but shes too on herself sometimes. she just talks to much & talks about herself all the time. i think she should let whitney live her life instead of trying to live it for her. but other than that, its a great show! -monday nights @ 10 on mtv....

Fashion Boots

i just wanted to say that i ♥ these! man... im doing good as far as handling my shopping addiction, i think i have 102 pairs of shoes! but i wont buy any! nope, no more shopping debt for me :)

11\29\08: Baldwin Hills

im ready for the new season & it airs january 27th 2009 ... but let me say:

i love when i see men stand up for themselves. i love when girls try to bring drama around them but they dont settle for it. they tell the girl just like it is and let her know that she needs to step off! ya digg! what i mean is: guys need to stand up for themselves and not bother with these crazy chicks! i remember last season on baldwin hills, i was watching this one episode, man... lor'rena just pisses me off! shes a beautiful girl, but with that attitude! omg! shes full of drama and so pathetic! its rediculous. moriah got under my skin when he settled for her drama, lowering his standards (if he has any) and deciding to meet up with her at his house just to play basketball! are you serious? now come on moriah, you should have know from the jump that she was all about drama, she wasnt just trying to play "basketball"! duh... and even that rediculous beef she had with garren and how she came up to moriah right in his girlfriend's presence trying to hook up! omg! shes so childish. i just wish moriah would have set her straight right then and told her the business. told her that she was pathetic and that he has a girl, that he doesnt need her and that hes happy. but at the same time, moriah isnt even that mature to realize that. i cant stand when i see guys let girls bring drama and stupidity around them. now there are several guys who put girls through drama as well, but in this document im talking about guys standing up for themselves. im absolutely turned on by men who are strong, hardworking, sure of who they are and know what they need. they arent into these girls who put themselves out there, messes around, brings drama or acts childish. i love to see men be strong and confident, knowing just what theyre looking for and knowing when they see it. see me, im not about the drama or childishness. however, ive had my days of going through drama and rediculous situations but i wasnt the one bringing the drama, he was. i meant him good but he meant me stupidity. ive came across several guys who act so childish and thats definitely a pet peeve of mine! but when i see drama coming, i move away from it. now i like guys who are attractive BUT! im attracted to guys who have their heads on right, knows who they are and exactly what they want and theres a big difference between what i like and what im attracted to. my attractions are stronger than my likes and im attracted to strong, confident men. men who stand up for whats right, men who know what they like, and men who put these childish girls in their places and tell them to keep it moving with the games! so i just wanted to put that out there. as for those brothas that are strong minded and totally "so not the drama"...i applaud you! holla! -baby doll outtie ♥

You Heart You :)

"i love myself..." i think women should say this to themselves everyday. being a woman isnt easy and life for a woman can be full of insecurities. i dont like when a girl becomes insecure bc of me. i mean, i may be beautiful (not only bc of how i look but moreso bc of my attitude) but that doesnt mean other women should be intimidated. we are all beautiful, none of us look alike and thats a good thing. we are all unique and every woman should love herself ♥

Crying...

I ♥ that song "Cry" by Lyfe Jennings.

sometimes i just need to cry. i heard tyra banks say one day if you feel the need to cry, then cry. dont walk around with that hurt inside you. let it out right then, even if you have to walk away and find some privacy, go cry and let it out. this year, 2008, ive held all of my hurt inside but now i know that a part of letting it go means to let it out. i want to let all my hurt and my pain out. i want to let go of my past.

so i know thats going to require some crying. theres nothing wrong with crying. its good for the soul, its like a cleansing. it may feelweak sometimes but its really making you stronger. when i was younger i cried because i was hurt all the time but i grew to the point where i stopped crying. growing up i never saw my mother cry but once and that was when her mother died. other than that, she never really cried or showed any emotion. so i thought i had to be tough and never cry. i got to the point where i wouldnt even cry to God becausei thougth He would think i was weak.

but let me tell you something, we all need to cry, just let things go and cry it out of our systems. sometimes we try to let things go in reality without letting it go inside. crying doesnt make anyone weak, holding it in is weak. having too much pride to where you don teven want to cry hen your alone is unhealthy. but yeah, i just thought id put that out there & theres nothing wrong with crying...

Shoes!

i just have to say...i ♥ these shoes! i think the pink ones are so cute! i dont wear heels that much but i will definitely rock these! go pink! but i will not buy any shoes this month! no more shopping debt for me!

Just b|c Im Single...

Okay! Just because im single doesnt mean i want a relationship! ive been through -hell- with guys plus im too stingy with my time. anyways, i mean if you text me that doesnt mean i have to reply. if you call me that doesnt mean i cant hit ignore. i will get back at you when i want to. you dig?

i definitely enjoy the freedom of being single. i can do what i want, i can chill with whoever i want, i dont have to worry about getting him valentines day gifts, birthdays or chirstmas, i dont have to worry about calling him, doing this or that...oh man! im just single! single and in control! yes! now im not saying that being in a -real- relationship is bad or anything because its a wonderful thing, but being single is too! *people need to realize that and stop complaining* therefore, i cant stand when guys get my number (if they do) and think that they can ease their ways into my life. just because im single doesnt mean im looking for someone or making myself available. i cant stand when guys jump to conclusion.first of all you dont really know me and that takes time, especially with a woman like me, second of all you dont know what ive been through or what may be going on in my life so why are you making all these plans and assumming that just because your being nice im going to want to be with you and third of all, how do you know if whether or not i just really want to continue being single?!?! man are guys a trip or what!

now im not saying that i dont appreciate what they do for me or the fact that theyre interested because i appreciate that to the fullest. i respect all of their feelings and i admire their reasons of interest. however, some of them need to slow down because their trying to rush into something that doesnt exist. im single and im loving it. i just got out of a horrible relationship so im just doing me for right now. sometimes i wish guys would get to know me for me, not get to know me to make it seem like their taking their time or concerned only to get close to me and use me or quickly be with me because that doesnt work with me!

see to know me, you have to know what ive been through. you have to understand my struggles and my heart and that takes time. so you dont have to rush and quickly assume that im feeling you, that i want to chill or call you. please! i do what i want when i want to! not being cocky or stuck up, but im being real and if your getting bothered maybe your the one whos trying to hollah and you see that you wont be getting anywhere with that! ha! if your getting mad and begining to judge me, then maybe this is about you. but your reading this and your just chillin and getting informed then i applaud you! your just taking your time and trying to get to know me. *hurray!

my point is that im single! and i dont have to do what i dont want to do. if i dont call you, its probably because i forgotand if i forgot please tell me why i cant remember you! mmm... maybe you need to get it togther, or maybe you didnt approach me right, or may be... just maybe ive already heard about you and i know what your up to so im really not wasting my time! just because im single doesnt mean i want a relationship. this also goes for fellas that may be in the same boat towards females. so dont worry about being with me, focus on trying to get to know me. i may be beautiful and i may seem cool...yeah you think you know, but you have no idea! hollah!

America's Next Top Model?

Tyra: "you girls have come a long way, and the judges have reached their decision. america's next top model is... ebony!"

Ebony(me): "oh gosh! tyra! really! yeessssss!"

My mind in reality: "um how bout not! LOL"

i just wanted to say that i love being that girl who people keep pursuading to be a model. i think i get more "model" attention this way then i would if i actually were one! but anyways...

some of these women who go on America's Next Top Model really get under my skin! your how old? 25! and your crying over the fact that you have to cut your hair off! are you serious! i mean i know some of them have been growing it since forever but who cares! you want to be a model right! they do all this crying and complaining and then after they get their hair cut, they look a million times better! get it together ladies! woman up, its just hair goodness!... so why wont i go on ANTM? well...its because i dont want to be a model. ive thought about it and ive been asked several times to work in malls as a window model. ive also been asked by a several photographers and few agents on MySpace (pretty groovy!) about being a make-up & commercial model. but i think ill pass. i mean i just never wanted to do the modeling thing. im not skinny enough, nor do i have the height! lol and trust me, im fine with that! everyone cant be 5'9 and a size 4! hehehe! now i wouldnt mind doing photo shoots just for fun or some catalog modeling but im not trying to pro here!(but i would have to be careful cause ive been told i got the pro looks! jp) im sure it would be nice walking runways, getting $2000 per runway or photo shoot, living in different states, touring the world and getting dolled up everyday but i dont want that life. its not what im trying persue and i love meat too much to give it up! lol (im sure some models do eat fried chicken though!)

but big ups to Tyra, Gisele, Naima, Eva, Tyson, Paulo (my boo!), every hardworking model out there and even the amateur models who are still trying! lol never give up! haha i applaud them all and the fact that africans and african americans are totally taking over the bizz! its not easy doing what they do and i know they put forth hard work and and time. but to all those who keep asking and encouraging me to be a model... NO! lolol thanks but no thanks.

11\30\08 Hello

well hello there!

ok so im kinda new to this site. ive seen several friends of mine who have blogspots & so i said to myself "you know what...im going to make one of my own!" so now im here, here to express my love, joy, hurt, laughter, everything. people always try to get to know me personally & because im so protective over myself, i dont make that easy for someone to accomplish. but here is my blogspot & your opportunity to learn more about me. thank you for visiting my house, the house of ebony.... enjoy!